t h e m i d d l e.

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Y’all, every few days I always intend on posting something new. And then every few days goes by, and then another few days go by, and I realize I haven’t written in what seems like forever. Life has been a bit crazy the last few weeks, and I am promising myself I will get back on track over here at some point!:) I actually really enjoy writing…way more than taking photos, trying to edit photos, and then posting photos! Haha, I guess it’s somewhat therapeutic for me to type my thoughts out and try to organize them so they make sense to you!

So anyways, I started to post this photo on instagram earlier with a caption that ended up being like 10 paragraphs long, so I decided writing a blog about it would be more efficient:) I am on week 3 now of my new work out program, and I am actually enjoying it a lot, surprisingly. But, because sometimes habits are just hard to break, I can’t seem to kick my sugar addiction!! Ah! It’s so funny because I will look at myself in the mirror and feel instantly defeated and resolve that I’m never eating anything else other than celery and lettuce. I know, I know, so extreme. But after eating a mini Twix, a mini milky way, and a couple of now and laters after lunch (the candy jar was screaming for me to come take candy out of it, I couldn’t say no) I was like that’s it, that’s my last piece of unhealthy food until I lose 20lbs! Hours later I find myself staring at my freshly baked sugar cookies in the kitchen, and I am presented with a choice. The choice to say no because I already had sweets today AND I know how it’s going to make me feel and the downward mental spiral that decision is going to take me on, or I could say yes and feel terrible and start the downward journey in my head about how I am never going to reach my goal weight, I am never going to get healthy, and working out is never going to actually work for me. You know, the usual.

All of that to say, I couldn’t resist that dense, soft on the inside and lightly crisp and crunchy on the outside, mouth-watering sugar cookie just staring me in the face..so I did what most would do…I said no. Not today.

YEAH RIGHT! I took that cookie and devoured it like it was the last thing I was ever going to eat for the rest of my life. And I felt great about it….for about 30 seconds. And then when it was all said and done, I hated that I did that. Not because you should never eat a cookie, but because I didn’t exercise my self control. I had no discipline in that moment. And I hate when I feel like food has control over me, when in all reality, I have control over it! But, what’s done is done. So let’s move past it and get on with the rest of our day (I’m speaking as though you all had the exact same experience today too!:) )

Bringing it back to this photo, I wanted to keep posting photos of myself on the journey to becoming healthier. I love a good before and after. There’s nothing like them! But how often do we show photos of what the journey looks like after we start and before it ends? That freaking middle portion of everyones journey is the part we never want to show because it’s kind of messy, it’s incredibly frustrating, and honestly, I don’t want a progress photo, I just want to see the end result! But the “in between” is so important and so necessary because if you ever want to get to the end, you have to go through the process first.

So with that said, This photo was taken this morning right after I had worked out, curled my hair, and put some make up on before getting dressed for work. I am wearing my husbands sweatpants….let’s talk about why my husbands sweats fit me please?! I honestly wear them because they are a little loose, and they make me “feel” smaller than I actually am. I’m a real person too folks, I don’t totally love my body YET so yeah, wearing bigger pants that hide some things and make me feel smaller are my vibe right now! Also, if you zoom in, and use a magnifying glass, and then zoom some more and maybe even squint a little, you can maybe see that one small portion of half an ab on my stomach!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA! And the reason I am even pointing it out is because last night I was just talking about how I’ve been working out for 2+ weeks now and nothing has changed. In fact, I feel like I’ve actually gained weight, like how does that even happen?! But then I saw this photo, and I was like, wait a hot second, is that the beginning of what could be one singular ab in there?! I THINK IT IS!!

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I think it’s important to celebrate even the littlest of things on our journey. Even if it is just three quarters of an ab, it’s worth celebrating because it signifies growth and progress. It’s almost like it’s a sign that reminds you to keep going, you got this, you can do this, and it’s working! Now, would I like to do one 10 minute ab video and walk away with a 6 pack? ABSOLUTELY I WOULD! But in what world does that even happen? The answer is none. It doesn’t happen. Hard work produces results. Even if the results take longer than you want them to, you will see them eventually if you keep on pressing.

I know for me, I have had two babies and with those babies came two c sections. I would like to believe that my stomach can be flat and toned and strong again. I would like to believe that one day it isn’t going to feel like jello everytime I touch it. I would like to believe that even after having kids, my body can still be the best it has ever been. And for all I know, that could definitely be true. But right now, I have extra skin on my stomach that just hasn’t gone away yet, I have fat in other areas of my body that I didn’t even know existed until I accidentally looked in the mirror after I took a shower and probably haven’t looked in the mirror again since then because I was traumatized!:) Just kidding, I wasn’t traumatized but I was definitely alarmed. But I think part of the journey to loving yourself and all that comes with you, both internally and externally, is embracing who you are and where you are on the way to where you’re going.

There will always be someone else who has a flatter stomach, smaller legs, better hips, more toned thighs, a better butt…and the list goes on. But comparison doesn’t get you anywhere. Scrolling through instagram desiring to have a stomach like hers doesn’t make your stomach any different. I want to encourage you to figure out what you want, and start making daily decisions that take you in that direction. I want to be fit, but I want to be healthy to. So for me, I am going to keep trying and keep doing my best to move forward, move forward right past that sugar cookie next time!:)

Hope y’all have a great night!



One thought on “t h e m i d d l e.

  1. Pingback: Eyes Without A Face – Proscenium

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